Success Indicators, Which Side is Your Dominant Side?

Anonymous

Yea!! got my daily dose of UBB! Now it’s off to work!! This is so true in so many aspects. Some people wont allow their selves to see the glory that God has bestowed upon them. Be blessed and day and a wake up to Friday!!!!

Nikishariley

Thank you so much @poetsgroove:disqus . I couldn’t agree more! Have a blessed day! Muah!!! xoxo

http://neolovesoulchild.wordpress.com/ Crystal

Yea!! got my daily dose of UBB! Now it’s off to work!! This is so true in so many aspects. Some people wont allow their selves to see the glory that God has bestowed upon them. Be blessed and day and a wake up to Friday!!!!

Nikishariley

Thank you so much @poetsgroove:disqus . I couldn’t agree more! Have a blessed day! Muah!!! xoxo

JJB

Wow! I’m surpised to see I have a lot of the traits on the successful side. I’m shocked because I have yet to do much of anything yet, but I’m still working on it,lol! Maybe once I figure out what I want to do in this world, I’ll be set,LOL! I’m only 19 though, so I have some time.

I’m also a little sad, BUT not surprised….My Mom is the MAJORITY of the unsuccessful list, which is so sad because she has done some great things in her life, but I feel if she was more like the other side, she could have been a force! I mean I’m not kidding, she is SO the unsuccessful side, but at the same time I have to remind myself that everyones has had different experiences in life. I would show this to her, but like most people who have issues, they don’t want to admit, or come off as anything but “fine”. They often let their delusions get the best of them. Funnily enough, I’ve told my mom most of these things, but she’s so stuck in her ways she’s unwilling to admit or change them. She also would never listen to me “I’m 40 years old, you’re a child..blah blah blah”. lol!

I’m teaching my younger sister differently though. I’m also not surpised my friends share successful traits as well. I tend to find that the things in my life that I become involved with unintentionally, mirror myself in a way.They say our realities are reflections of ourselves and I believe that. It’s all about perspective and perception. From the people I surround myself with, that come from nowhere, the videos I watch, the conversation I partake in, the music I listen to, and even this website! The people are similar to me in so many ways. A lot of the things you guys do, I’m do as well. From taking care of mind, body, and spirit, to just enjoying life.

The biggest tip I’d tell people is to keep a journal! I’ve been writing in a journal RELIGIOUSLY for almost 10 years. I mentioned that I’m 19, so that’s a lot of growing and introspection,LOL! If you are on the unsuccessful list, don’t fret! It’s really a learning process. Like me, most people don’t have parents that would teach them these things. That’s why I always looked to myself, or successful adults when growing.Other kids look to celebrities, which are hardly the people you want raising your kids. I was just lucky. I used to be on the unsuccessful side, but I had to work on some issues and anger that I had to move on.We all have our demons and I’m not completely done. It’s all a process. “When you know better, you do better”. Now if you know what your problems are and decide not to do ANYTHING about them, in my book you’re the definition of a loser. I’m sorry, but my father is that way and he chooses to do nothing, but hold it in, like most men do.

Great list!

JJB

I wanted to add that the unsuccessful side doesn’t always have to be pointed at others, but we could do some things to ourselves. Me for example, I saw criticize as one of my biggest issues. I’m overly critical on myself sometimes. I have to remind myself to be nicer to me! LOL! I’ve never been the type to mess with other people, because I’m often messing with myself. That’s one thing I’ve been trying to work on “being nicer to myself”.
- Nikishariley
  
  @443b731271bb066927c64130b8695dcd:disqus your a very wise 19 year old. Keep embracing change and keeping great people around you. The people we hang with are a huge reflection of who we are!

JJB

Wow! I’m surpised to see I have a lot of the traits on the successful side. I’m shocked because I have yet to do much of anything yet, but I’m still working on it,lol! Maybe once I figure out what I want to do in this world, I’ll be set,LOL! I’m only 19 though, so I have some time.

I’m also a little sad, BUT not surprised….My Mom is the MAJORITY of the unsuccessful list, which is so sad because she has done some great things in her life, but I feel if she was more like the other side, she could have been a force! I mean I’m not kidding, she is SO the unsuccessful side, but at the same time I have to remind myself that everyones has had different experiences in life. I would show this to her, but like most people who have issues, they don’t want to admit, or come off as anything but “fine”. They often let their delusions get the best of them. Funnily enough, I’ve told my mom most of these things, but she’s so stuck in her ways she’s unwilling to admit or change them. She also would never listen to me “I’m 40 years old, you’re a child..blah blah blah”. lol!

I’m teaching my younger sister differently though. I’m also not surpised my friends share successful traits as well. I tend to find that the things in my life that I become involved with unintentionally, mirror myself in a way.They say our realities are reflections of ourselves and I believe that. It’s all about perspective and perception. From the people I surround myself with, that come from nowhere, the videos I watch, the conversation I partake in, the music I listen to, and even this website! The people are similar to me in so many ways. A lot of the things you guys do, I’m do as well. From taking care of mind, body, and spirit, to just enjoying life.

The biggest tip I’d tell people is to keep a journal! I’ve been writing in a journal RELIGIOUSLY for almost 10 years. I mentioned that I’m 19, so that’s a lot of growing and introspection,LOL! If you are on the unsuccessful list, don’t fret! It’s really a learning process. Like me, most people don’t have parents that would teach them these things. That’s why I always looked to myself, or successful adults when growing.Other kids look to celebrities, which are hardly the people you want raising your kids. I was just lucky. I used to be on the unsuccessful side, but I had to work on some issues and anger that I had to move on.We all have our demons and I’m not completely done. It’s all a process. “When you know better, you do better”. Now if you know what your problems are and decide not to do ANYTHING about them, in my book you’re the definition of a loser. I’m sorry, but my father is that way and he chooses to do nothing, but hold it in, like most men do.

Great list!

JJB

I wanted to add that the unsuccessful side doesn’t always have to be pointed at others, but we could do some things to ourselves. Me for example, I saw criticize as one of my biggest issues. I’m overly critical on myself sometimes. I have to remind myself to be nicer to me! LOL! I’ve never been the type to mess with other people, because I’m often messing with myself. That’s one thing I’ve been trying to work on “being nicer to myself”.
- Nikishariley
  
  @443b731271bb066927c64130b8695dcd:disqus your a very wise 19 year old. Keep embracing change and keeping great people around you. The people we hang with are a huge reflection of who we are!

Hugsandtomatoes

I like this list but to be honest in my opinion happiness and contentment should be the only items on the successful side. You don’t have to keep a to-do list and journal to successful. That just describes an organized personality trait. I see this as a narrow minded view of what succes is. I believe a successful person is someone who is happy, content, and lives with no regrets. No matter what they do or who they are.

Hugsandtomatoes

I like this list but to be honest in my opinion happiness and contentment should be the only items on the successful side. You don’t have to keep a to-do list and journal to successful. That just describes an organized personality trait. I see this as a narrow minded view of what succes is. I believe a successful person is someone who is happy, content, and lives with no regrets. No matter what they do or who they are.

Anonymous

I think a good indicator of which side dominates you is a quick look at who your close friends and associates are. We tend to surround ourselves with like-minded people. If you hang out with happy, successful, positive people, then you probably are too!!

Nikishariley

I agree .

freecandy

I think a good indicator of which side dominates you is a quick look at who your close friends and associates are. We tend to surround ourselves with like-minded people. If you hang out with happy, successful, positive people, then you probably are too!!

Nikishariley

I agree .

http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/U3S4GBEUNJ64Z5Y6QGMGOJZEMY L

Read everyday vs Watch TV everyday

I feel like that part is dated. For me the bigger time suck is the internet. Plus lately I’m more likely to watch shows on my computer than on the TV. Is reading blogs better or worse than watching TV? What if I’m reading books but it is all fiction I read for entertainment? Some of the bloggers I read have gotten book deals where the book is essentially stuff they’ve already written on their blogs.

Nikishariley

I agree @yahoo-U3S4GBEUNJ64Z5Y6QGMGOJZEMY:disqus , that part is dated. I think internet is a time sucker and can be a big hindrance to a lot of folks!

http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/U3S4GBEUNJ64Z5Y6QGMGOJZEMY L

Read everyday vs Watch TV everyday

I feel like that part is dated. For me the bigger time suck is the internet. Plus lately I’m more likely to watch shows on my computer than on the TV. Is reading blogs better or worse than watching TV? What if I’m reading books but it is all fiction I read for entertainment? Some of the bloggers I read have gotten book deals where the book is essentially stuff they’ve already written on their blogs.

Nikishariley

I agree @yahoo-U3S4GBEUNJ64Z5Y6QGMGOJZEMY:disqus , that part is dated. I think internet is a time sucker and can be a big hindrance to a lot of folks!

ML

I totally disagree with this list. Life is not or black or white. It would be naive to believe that. Most human “talk about ideas” AND “talk about people”, sometimes we forgive, sometimes we hold a grudge. This list is too manichean.

Nikishariley

It depends on the person your talking to @b821e737639f15df28c6a41be8c05437:disqus . For me life is very black and white now, I use to live in the gray area and it’s not where I wanna be anymore. Black or white for me is you do or you don’t. I also make the choice not to talk about people unless it’s something positive, I also choose to forgive people no matter what and choose never to hold a grudge. Just because “most humans” choose a certain behavior doesn’t make it a right choice. I choose to discipline myself in many areas of life which is something I consciously do on a daily basis. This also means if I need to correct a negative behavior that I posses then I don’t mind admitting when I’m wrong and that I need to change. I don’t just let whatever I feel control me, I control it.
- ML
  
  Hey Nikisha,
  I guess it hard for me imagning that someone can always make the wiser choice. It is a bit like going against your feelings. When you are hurt you can do mean and stupid things, that you will regrets, and then learn from your mistakes but I think we make mistake till we die. And like Sartre said you only become who you are when you die. But like you said I guess it depends of where you stand in your life. It is a choice you made that I respect. But in my opinion life is more interesting in grays. Books we like are made of complex characters, the greatest mind of this world all had a “dark side”. For me, and this is only my opinion, forcing yourself to act right is like deleting a part of yourself, that could have lead to great things.
  I love literature but i also love trash tv. My mind need a classroom and a playground.
  I do everything in the successful column and absolutely everything in the unsuccessful column, (except the journal part too messy to ever pretend have one) but I think I am a positive and extremely nice person. I guess I just want to fully live and experiment life. Like now i am kind of acting like I know it all but I do realise I am still extremely young, and that you are older, you are mother you went through more things, we cannot be compare and maybe probably later, growing up I will think just the same as you.
  
  PS : love your blog, you hair, your recipes and thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. sorry for the long post.
  - Nikishariley
    
    No worries about the long post, I like the dialogue . You sound like a smart young lady! Your right that we will always make mistakes, I just don’t like to make the same mistakes over & over. I think about the consequences now and they are never worth it. And age does have a lot to do with learning and experience so I agree with you on that too. I was very wild, so wild I got knocked up at 16yrs old along with many other crazy things…lol. I also still have a dark side that I must keep in check. I use to be very complicated and complex but learned there is beauty in simplicity and that less is more. I love myself too much and other’s in my life to do whatever I feel like doing. Sometimes when there is too much going on I could feel like running away, but then where would that leave my son for instance? Or what if I feel like doing drugs? These are things that will not only hurt others but hurt me. Emotions (feelings) are too fleeting, they change, and can’t always be trusted. Emotions come from thoughts. I do not trust everything that comes into my head. I have to talk to myself everyday because sometimes nonsense flies into my head. Sometimes we might feel like choking a loved one and that doesn’t mean it’s a right feeling and we must act on it or that if you don’t act on it that your forcing yourself to delete a side of you. It’s just being wise & growing beyond your feelings & not letting your feelings control you, but realizing you should control your feelings. And knowing that we have to filter out the garbage that comes into all of our heads, because we are inundated with nonsense from magazines, books, TV, and internet, etc. It’s like that quote by Vince Lombardi, ” Watch your thoughts, they become your beliefs.”. Those beliefs always turn into action. Discipline always brings growth, so you end up becoming better and more of who you really are and who God wants you to be through it. And without control or discipline you can lose yourself in this world of a million choices & chaos & never live out your purpose. Every successful person in my life has discipline and self control. They are wealthy in love, family, & money. Living to me is what I can do for others rather than what I can do for myself. I was miserable and always searching for something new to fill the void I felt. I went through a horrible depression, I was addicted to things and in abusive relationships. I was always doing what I felt and it would only make me feel worse. I accomplished things but with this horrible weight on me that made things super hard and only fed my addictions. I did grow from the experience but I realized many people don’t. Many people get stuck in dysfunction and never get to experience true peace and joy or fulfill their true purpose. I learned the hard way until I realized only God could fill that void I felt and I had to stop being selfish. I would love to go deeper but I already wrote too much…lol. Thank you so much for the love and support. I hope I haven’t offended you in anyway, I just love to share the wisdom I’ve gained and hope it helps . xoxo
    - ML
      
      No you did not offend me at all! Sorry if you feel that way. I am not trying to make a statement or to make you change your beliefs, I am just trying to find arguments that serve my speech, just like you. Whatever truth I am speaking it is only my truth.
      Did you ever heard about the french artist Serge Gainsbourg? I remember when I started working in fashion my father told me the only things he knew from that world were stereotypes. But stereotypes have real basis. And so he told me Serge Gainsbourg was a great artist but a miserable man he did not want me to turn out like him. To me Gainsbourg was only a great artist. And I realized there is two kinds of success : Do you want to live on the road, like “damned poets” doing drugs and die from syphilis but be remembered centuries later or do you want to be more average and live in peace? Well no one wants to be depressed, and miserable, but we also all want to achieve big things, and raise ourselves above others. I guess one of the main goal in life is to find the right balance between those two kinds of success.
      Aha I love debates to much I just wrote a novel again. Well it was nice exchanging with you, it is always improve your mind to hear opposite thoughts, this is how you raise your mind, hearing and accepting different points of view.
      I don’t know if you can see my e-mail. But if you ever have to come to Paris please feel free to contact me. (yeah I am french that explain the enormous misspelling that must be in my texts)
      take care.
    - Nikishariley
      
      I’m glad your not . I don’t like debating, I use to until I learned that it’s a persons ego that likes to debate. I don’t like to feed my ego anymore, I like to starve it. I do like sharing wisdom though. And yes, there are people like artist Serge Gainsbourg & then there are extraordinary people like Oprah and Maya Angelou who are very disciplined & are very conscious of the choices they make everyday. They definitely don’t do what they feel like doing all the time or they wouldn’t be who they are. They have boundaries & beliefs they live by. Oprah & Maya Angelou aren’t average at all, but they have peace & are amazing people in my eyes. I believe they are living out their true purpose. They give so much of their heart to others & they help people on many levels. They show people it’s beautiful to have discipline & to be conscious of every decision we make. There is freedom in boundaries & many blessings, you just have to live there to know . I would love to contact you whenever I make it to Paris. Hopefully next year! xoxo
    - Iona
      
      To a certain extent I can see your point about debating feeding your ego and that you like to starve it. But saying that in itself is fairly egotistical as is writing about your daily habits and choices. Also taking photos of yourself. In some ways I find you contradict yourself

ML

I totally disagree with this list. Life is not or black or white. It would be naive to believe that. Most human “talk about ideas” AND “talk about people”, sometimes we forgive, sometimes we hold a grudge. This list is too manichean.

Nikishariley

It depends on the person your talking to @b821e737639f15df28c6a41be8c05437:disqus . For me life is very black and white now, I use to live in the gray area and it’s not where I wanna be anymore. Black or white for me is you do or you don’t. I also make the choice not to talk about people unless it’s something positive, I also choose to forgive people no matter what and choose never to hold a grudge. Just because “most humans” choose a certain behavior doesn’t make it a right choice. I choose to discipline myself in many areas of life which is something I consciously do on a daily basis. This also means if I need to correct a negative behavior that I posses then I don’t mind admitting when I’m wrong and that I need to change. I don’t just let whatever I feel control me, I control it.
- ML
  
  Hey Nikisha,
  I guess it hard for me imagning that someone can always make the wiser choice. It is a bit like going against your feelings. When you are hurt you can do mean and stupid things, that you will regrets, and then learn from your mistakes but I think we make mistake till we die. And like Sartre said you only become who you are when you die. But like you said I guess it depends of where you stand in your life. It is a choice you made that I respect. But in my opinion life is more interesting in grays. Books we like are made of complex characters, the greatest mind of this world all had a “dark side”. For me, and this is only my opinion, forcing yourself to act right is like deleting a part of yourself, that could have lead to great things.
  I love literature but i also love trash tv. My mind need a classroom and a playground.
  I do everything in the successful column and absolutely everything in the unsuccessful column, (except the journal part too messy to ever pretend have one) but I think I am a positive and extremely nice person. I guess I just want to fully live and experiment life. Like now i am kind of acting like I know it all but I do realise I am still extremely young, and that you are older, you are mother you went through more things, we cannot be compare and maybe probably later, growing up I will think just the same as you.
  
  PS : love your blog, you hair, your recipes and thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. sorry for the long post.
  - Nikishariley
    
    No worries about the long post, I like the dialogue . You sound like a smart young lady! Your right that we will always make mistakes, I just don’t like to make the same mistakes over & over. I think about the consequences now and they are never worth it. And age does have a lot to do with learning and experience so I agree with you on that too. I was very wild, so wild I got knocked up at 16yrs old along with many other crazy things…lol. I also still have a dark side that I must keep in check. I use to be very complicated and complex but learned there is beauty in simplicity and that less is more. I love myself too much and other’s in my life to do whatever I feel like doing. Sometimes when there is too much going on I could feel like running away, but then where would that leave my son for instance? Or what if I feel like doing drugs? These are things that will not only hurt others but hurt me. Emotions (feelings) are too fleeting, they change, and can’t always be trusted. Emotions come from thoughts. I do not trust everything that comes into my head. I have to talk to myself everyday because sometimes nonsense flies into my head. Sometimes we might feel like choking a loved one and that doesn’t mean it’s a right feeling and we must act on it or that if you don’t act on it that your forcing yourself to delete a side of you. It’s just being wise & growing beyond your feelings & not letting your feelings control you, but realizing you should control your feelings. And knowing that we have to filter out the garbage that comes into all of our heads, because we are inundated with nonsense from magazines, books, TV, and internet, etc. It’s like that quote by Vince Lombardi, ” Watch your thoughts, they become your beliefs.”. Those beliefs always turn into action. Discipline always brings growth, so you end up becoming better and more of who you really are and who God wants you to be through it. And without control or discipline you can lose yourself in this world of a million choices & chaos & never live out your purpose. Every successful person in my life has discipline and self control. They are wealthy in love, family, & money. Living to me is what I can do for others rather than what I can do for myself. I was miserable and always searching for something new to fill the void I felt. I went through a horrible depression, I was addicted to things and in abusive relationships. I was always doing what I felt and it would only make me feel worse. I accomplished things but with this horrible weight on me that made things super hard and only fed my addictions. I did grow from the experience but I realized many people don’t. Many people get stuck in dysfunction and never get to experience true peace and joy or fulfill their true purpose. I learned the hard way until I realized only God could fill that void I felt and I had to stop being selfish. I would love to go deeper but I already wrote too much…lol. Thank you so much for the love and support. I hope I haven’t offended you in anyway, I just love to share the wisdom I’ve gained and hope it helps . xoxo
    - ML
      
      No you did not offend me at all! Sorry if you feel that way. I am not trying to make a statement or to make you change your beliefs, I am just trying to find arguments that serve my speech, just like you. Whatever truth I am speaking it is only my truth.
      Did you ever heard about the french artist Serge Gainsbourg? I remember when I started working in fashion my father told me the only things he knew from that world were stereotypes. But stereotypes have real basis. And so he told me Serge Gainsbourg was a great artist but a miserable man he did not want me to turn out like him. To me Gainsbourg was only a great artist. And I realized there is two kinds of success : Do you want to live on the road, like “damned poets” doing drugs and die from syphilis but be remembered centuries later or do you want to be more average and live in peace? Well no one wants to be depressed, and miserable, but we also all want to achieve big things, and raise ourselves above others. I guess one of the main goal in life is to find the right balance between those two kinds of success.
      Aha I love debates to much I just wrote a novel again. Well it was nice exchanging with you, it is always improve your mind to hear opposite thoughts, this is how you raise your mind, hearing and accepting different points of view.
      I don’t know if you can see my e-mail. But if you ever have to come to Paris please feel free to contact me. (yeah I am french that explain the enormous misspelling that must be in my texts)
      take care.
    - Nikishariley
      
      I’m glad your not . I don’t like debating, I use to until I learned that it’s a persons ego that likes to debate. I don’t like to feed my ego anymore, I like to starve it. I do like sharing wisdom though. And yes, there are people like artist Serge Gainsbourg & then there are extraordinary people like Oprah and Maya Angelou who are very disciplined & are very conscious of the choices they make everyday. They definitely don’t do what they feel like doing all the time or they wouldn’t be who they are. They have boundaries & beliefs they live by. Oprah & Maya Angelou aren’t average at all, but they have peace & are amazing people in my eyes. I believe they are living out their true purpose. They give so much of their heart to others & they help people on many levels. They show people it’s beautiful to have discipline & to be conscious of every decision we make. There is freedom in boundaries & many blessings, you just have to live there to know . I would love to contact you whenever I make it to Paris. Hopefully next year! xoxo
    - Iona
      
      To a certain extent I can see your point about debating feeding your ego and that you like to starve it. But saying that in itself is fairly egotistical as is writing about your daily habits and choices. Also taking photos of yourself. In some ways I find you contradict yourself

Nikishariley

Hi @2661c2478c463d297a8e54110e8b4695:disqus I’m writing up here in response to your comment. I’m sorry you feel that way. My posts are used as a tool to encourage people, I don’t believe encouraging people is feeding your ego at all. Many times we are asked to share things by other women who feel discouraged or just want to know more info on certain subject matter. Majority of what I share is inspired by other women who write us . I had no idea that sharing my truth was ego based, heck I ain’t perfect but it’s awesome to show people how God can move in your life! My posts are part of my testimony of how I went from being a train wreck to living a life of victory! And on my journey I hope to continue to encourage others!

Nikishariley

Hi @2661c2478c463d297a8e54110e8b4695:disqus I’m writing up here in response to your comment. I’m sorry you feel that way. My posts are used as a tool to encourage people, I don’t believe encouraging people is feeding your ego at all. Many times we are asked to share things by other women who feel discouraged or just want to know more info on certain subject matter. Majority of what I share is inspired by other women who write us . I had no idea that sharing my truth was ego based, heck I ain’t perfect but it’s awesome to show people how God can move in your life! My posts are part of my testimony of how I went from being a train wreck to living a life of victory! And on my journey I hope to continue to encourage others!

LBell

I agree to some extent that where one is on that successful/unsuccessful spectrum can teeter over time (shades of gray). That said, I also agree that ideally we should learn from our mistakes as best we can. Reading that list I’m realizing I was on my way towards more of the left side, but in several areas over the past few years I’ve slid back towards the right side. Thank you for giving me more to think about today.

Nikishariley

Your welcome @09f99c82b04a49d35192826e6749b04f:disqus . We all make mistakes and can teeter over time as you said . It’s about checking in with yourself everyday to see what you can do different and how you can be better!

LBell

I agree to some extent that where one is on that successful/unsuccessful spectrum can teeter over time (shades of gray). That said, I also agree that ideally we should learn from our mistakes as best we can. Reading that list I’m realizing I was on my way towards more of the left side, but in several areas over the past few years I’ve slid back towards the right side. Thank you for giving me more to think about today.

Nikishariley

Your welcome @09f99c82b04a49d35192826e6749b04f:disqus . We all make mistakes and can teeter over time as you said . It’s about checking in with yourself everyday to see what you can do different and how you can be better!

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004220522838 Jacquelyn Carmichael

I am too young to have half of these traits. I know how to act but I am never genuine in any of the “successful” side of the list. I think successful people don’t necessarily do these things all the time, but maybe they TRY.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004220522838 Jacquelyn Carmichael

I am too young to have half of these traits. I know how to act but I am never genuine in any of the “successful” side of the list. I think successful people don’t necessarily do these things all the time, but maybe they TRY.