Some of my past:
I was born in Toronto Canada in a grey tri-blend t shirt and a massive amount of hair. My father is from Jamaica. I was raised in Brooklyn by a single mom who happens to be white. My mom did the best she could with my hair, using grease, pink oil moisturizer, the one ponytail braid and the famous brush I got hit up side my head with.
I was a victim to bullying and sexual abuuse in middle school which at the time made it easier for me to completely loose my self-identity. I was prepubescently skinny, a fact geek; and my one ponytail braid with a scrunchy just killed it for me. The constant teasing and abuse made me want to crawl under a rock and disappear. I saw changing my hair as the easiest way of fitting in. So in an attempt to fit in, I turned to relaxers, hot combs, flat irons, curling irons, blow driers, and lots of sheen. Oh Lawd, the sheen put grease stains everywhere, the mats in gym class, headrests…You name it, I stained it!
Not too long after at the tender age of 16 I became pregnant. Yes, I was 16 and pregnant! My life had spiraled out of control. The dysfunctional family upbringing, the abuse, the rape, having no father around, and the bullying just left me so damaged. All the way through college I was chronically depressed, had anxiety attacks, attempted suicide, and was in and out of dysfunctional, unhealthy, relationships (physical and verbal abuse, cheating). I had no idea who I was so I attached my identity to anything I thought was cool or positive (my Jamaican heritage, my achievements in school, one day I was from the hood, the next day I was into crystals and New Age stuff).
Eventually I got tired of the depression, tired of the anxiety and panic attacks, tired of being in dysfunctional relationships, tired of being a lousy mom. I had come to the end of myself and dropped to my knees and cried out to God for help. I asked Him to take all my burdens, I asked Him to open my eyes, and I told Him I would be obedient to what ever He told me. That day changed my life forever. Now I live a life committed to Jesus and I am not ashamed of my messed up past because he has taken it all and has given me more than I deserve. He blessed me with a God fearing husband, my complimentary half whom I admire and respect very much. He has restored my relationship with my son, and now Jaden is thriving like never before and I feel so blessed! God has really used the pain from my past for a purpose and I have learned a lot along the way. Here are some things that I learned –> On my way to turning age 30!
Meet my best friend and love of my life Carl:
We were got married on the beach in Big Sur, Califronia, here is our wedding album –>wedding album
Meet my extraordinary 13 year old son Jaden:
Intrigued by human behavior, I went on to major in Psychology getting my B.A. from Long Island University. Soon after I attained a Masters degree in Childhood Education because of my strong need to help children and I am currently an elementary school teacher .
Everyone has a story I am aware that having a public blog and sharing part of our lives with all of you can bring judgment as well as praise, but please remember that we are real people with feelings just like everyone else. We are not trying to portray a perfect life, we are far from perfect. We have giant messes in our house, piles of laundry waiting to be done, disagreements, overwhelming to-do lists, “those days” that are full of challenges and emotion. Please remember that this is a very small part of our lives. just a glimpse, a part of our story, not the whole story.
I am here to love you know matter how different you may be from me or no matter how similar we might be. So if you need help with anything that you think I may be able to help you with please feel free to email me .
God’s grace has a drenching about it. A wildness about it. A white-water, riptide, turn-you-upside-downness about it. Grace comes after you. It rewires you. From insecure to God secure. From regret-riddled to better-because-of-it
. From afraid-to-die to ready-to-fly. Grace is the voice that calls us to change and gives us the power to pull it off.