Via Essence. 12 Signs You’re Not Ready For Marriage by Paul C. Brunson

Engagements aren’t having the best year. Last week Vivica Fox called off her engagement and it’s rumored that Jennifer Hudson and David Otunga could be headed for splitsville. Basketball Wives stars Gloria Govan and Matt Barnes even ended their lengthy engagement for a second time last month.

The truth is, marriage may not work for everyone and sometimes the time just isn’t right. For many, this is a difficult statement to accept, however, when we don’t acknowledge the truth and blindly enter matrimony, the effects can come back to bite all of us (in some cases a broken marriage = broken children = broken community). I’m convinced that a significant reason for the looming divorce rate (of approximately 48%) is due to one simple reason; many of us marry when we’re not ready.

The best way to deal with a broken marriage is to preempt it because once a marriage is broken it is very difficult to restore. Since prevention is better than a cure, it’s important that we recognize how to identify if we’re ready for marriage in the first place.

The following are 12 signs that a person is not ready for marriage. I ask that you read and share. Of course, if you feel I missed any vital signs, please include them in the comments on Essence.


The Trust Isn’t There Yet

Trust is critical. However, I find that some people don’t believe it’s possible to “fully” trust anyone, let alone a future spouse. If this is your challenge, you’re setting yourself up for a tumultuous relationship. Trust is belief in one’s integrity. No relationship can survive without trust.


Your Vitals Aren’t Strong

If you’re headed to the altar without your relationship vitals in place, I call this settling. Relationship vitals are your values, personality type, and non-negotiables. These are all categories you should know and never amend for anyone. Your vitals are so important because the key pillars to a successful relationship are communication and conflict resolution. Met relationship vitals give you the optimal chance to exchange ideas and work through problems, when they arise.


You’re Battling Addiction or Mental Health Issues

Pathology is something that does not get enough attention when we talk about relationships. Nearly 20 million people in the U.S. suffer from negative pathology. This means one in 25 people will have the disorders associated with ‘no conscience’ which include antisocial personality disorder, sociopath, and psychopath. Bottom line is that a healthy mind is a prerequisite to a healthy relationship.

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